Pain

I am about to collapse from constant pain.
I told you my sins, and I am sorry for them.
Many deadly and powerful enemies hate me,
and they repay evil for good because I try to do right.

You are the Lord God!
Stay nearby and don’t desert me.
You are the one who saves me. Please hurry and help. – Psalm 38: 17-22 (CEV)

Sometimes the pain is so excruciating – it falls like a veil over the entirety of my sight. It is then, when I am too weak to look or reach out to anything or anyone (and woe be unto anyone who tries to reach out to me!) – I look up with my last dribble of strength – and there is Jesus.

There is the one who knows what excruciating pain is. And yet He did not lash out. Jesus’ silence throughout most of His suffering has been a mystery for over 2000 years. Why did the Messiah, the Savior of God’s creation, not testify to who He was, and what was going to be the consequences of His sacrifice, to Pilate and Caiphas?

Jesus knew the loneliness of pain and He is there for me. His eyes tell me of peace which is beyond my pain and understanding. His touch calms and comforts, gentle yet with the strength that assures me He will not leave. No matter the origin of my pain.

Love. Yes, Abba Father loves me. He gave me Jesus. Could He take the pain away? Yes, and I ask Him for His mercy to do that every day. Often I do feel the pain recede. Even medication can work in His plan! I ask Him for complete healing. I know He will do that too. How great is Abba’s love!

Music has been a vehicle to express and relieve pain also. It is a wealth of ways to express what I often cannot express myself. It is despair. It is God’s Truth. It is my needs. It expresses the answer to spoken and unspoken prayers. It opens my spirit to the healing that Abba has for me.

Do you finally believe? But the time is coming—indeed it’s here now—when you will be scattered, each one going his own way, leaving me alone. Yet I am not alone because the Father is with me. I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”                                                   — John 16: 31-33 (NLT)

Ongoing, unremitting pain, whether physical or mental, requires something as big and powerful as Jesus to heal or show me how to walk through it as He did. In the midst of this pain, I need to be able to look into Jesus’ eyes, study and meditate on Jesus’ way He walked, spent time in prayer, cried out to His Father, and reached out to others as a friend and servant.

And there, honestly, is where I have found my greatest relief – in helping others who may be hurting and suffering. Turning my focus on others, opening my eyes to their needs and opportunities to lift someone up, helps me to see my situation in a more balanced way and maybe even learn from them. There is rarely a day that goes by that I do not recall something that a patient or family member that I met in over 35 years of nursing said to me. They shared the most difficult times of their lives and were generous in allowing me to be a part of that time.

When I am hurting,
I find comfort in your promise that leads to life.
Conceited people sneer at me,
but I obey your Law.
I find true comfort, Lord,
because your laws have stood the test of time. – Psalm 119: 50-52 (CEV)